A New Beginning

 From the moment Henry was born, I only had a few hours with Jack and the baby together. We ended up staying in hospital for a whole 7 days. 

On the first day, I could barely move. It turned out that I did not know what to expect from a c-section. I knew it would be hard, my muscles would be slices open and sewn back together... But I never realised just how hard (and painful) it would be to do anything. Just moving in the hospital bed was a lot of effort. I managed to get up and go to the toilet after lunch, and that felt like such an accomplishment, I dragged my feet across the floor and ended up making that trip a few times. It helped me to be able to move. What I haven't mentioned to you so far, dear reader, is that when Henry was born he was struggling to breathe. You could hear this noise whenever he took a breath and it was quite scary for both me and Jack when we kept hearing it. 

The nurse dismissed it at first but when we kept raising our concerns she called the paediatrician an he had a look at Henry. It must have been around 2am when I pressed the button to call the nurse over. Nobody came, I pressed it again, and then one more time, and finally a nurse came over. I managed to ask get the paediatrician to come and check Henry one more time and he ended up being taken to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit).
Due to the Covid restrictions, we were only allowed one person to visit per day. As I was struggling to move so much, I told Jack he should go and visit Henry. And so he did. Jack came all the way down to the hospital and saw our little boy, he was in his little incubator, a feeding tube going into his little nose, wires all over him as they monitored his vitals. 
Jack then waited for me to come out of the ward and met me in the hallway. That was how we started our little ritual. Every night Jack would come and wait for me in the hallway, I would go up to him and tell him all about that day and he would do the same for me.

Everyday after that first day becomes a bit of a blur. We were told that Henry was jaundiced, and his levels were really high so he had to keep doing light therapy. Everyday, I had to go from my ward to his, dragging my feet along the floor, pressing the buzzers so the nurses would let me into the wards. I started going by "Henry's Mum" whenever I reached the NICU ward, they would ask who I was visiting and I had to keep saying who I was in order for myself to be allowed in.

Everyday we struggled with Henry's feeding. He dropped his birth weight quite a bit as he wasn't feeding properly. At some point, he started to wean off the feeding tube and was actually able to feed himself. But even then, he wasn't entirely taking the milk we were feeding him. So his weight still wasn't going up quick enough.

The light therapy worked a couple of times, but it was so hard to have to leave Henry behind to go back to my ward. Around the fourth day, I had a routine of going to see him first thing in the morning - right after I had my medication rounds brought up to me - and would feed him. I was able to hold him for a few periods of time and then I would have to put him down in his incubator again under the lights. He needed to be under it for so long and it was just awful hearing him cry. He did not like being in there. He would cry whenever he had his protective eye covers. He didn't like having them on and would often move his head in a way that would move the cover from his eyes. 

On the fifth day, the nurses in my ward told me that I wouldn't be able to stay much longer and could even be discharged from their care. They allowed me to stay one more night, but then I would have to leave. Luckily for me, I was able to stay with Henry in the NICU, they had a few rooms built in where parents could stay with their babies while they were in the NICU care. We stayed for two nights. Both of those nights, I was told that Henry would hopefully be able to go home the next day. But turned out that both his weight and his jaundice weren't quite ready the first time. Every night, I still had to go back to the ward I was staying before so I could have someone give me a shot of medication. And then I would have to go back to the NICU to go back to bed and be with Henry.

On the sixth day, I had a few more visitors than before. Jack, Brit and Gill all came to see me. It was so nice to be able to go outside and get some fresh air, they brought me donuts and subway, and it was a wonderful day. 

About an hour later I went back into the hospital and was next to Henry again. We were cleared from the jaundice at night and were told that he would be good to go in the morning. I still had to wait for Henry to have some check ups, they checked his hearing and sight. He passed with flying colours and we were finally allowed to be discharged completely by the doctors.

Once they did, I let Jack know we were ready and we were allowed to go home. He was already waiting downstairs and quickly came up to start taking our stuff to the car. Just like so, Jack became the first parent to be allowed in as a second visitor. Together we made history as the first people to have a visitor in the ward.

After that, we put Henry in his car seat for the first time and took him to the car. Brit took the first photo of us walking out of the ward, as Jack carried him. Our first photo as a family. We put the car seat in the isofix and we took off.

When we got home, everyone was able to meet Henry for the first time. Everyone had cuddles and I just felt so happy we were back home. I wasn't by myself anymore. Henry was okay and we were home together with Jack. I remember I was so tired, but I had so much support. Jack took over with giving Henry a bottle here and there and let me sleep.

And so, at the end of the day, we put Henry in his bed and we slept together as a family. Our room might be small, tight and definitely too crowded for 3 people but it was perfect for the three of us at that time. 

That was the beginning of our little family.